:(

Lately I have just felt sad. The sadness stems from being let go from my job of the last 10 years under dishonest and hurtful circumstances. I have so much anger still inside of me for how much I have been lied to and deceived. I wish I could just forget it all and move on from it, but I am stuck on being mad. I don't want to be mad anymore. I want to move forward. I want to work and contribute to my family. I feel so worthless to them now. I guess there are lessons for me to learn here from Heavenly Father. Perhaps I based too much of my value on the working woman that I was. Maybe Heavenly Father was protecting me from something bigger that I didn't see. Maybe I needed to learn patience and this is His way of teaching it to me. I feel that no matter what I do now, it is never enough. I can clean, do laundry, cook dinner, do dishes, but I still feel like I am such a let down. These are my own feelings, nothing that anyone is saying to me. My heart is just broken. Something so personal to me was taken away. My confidence has been shot and my self-esteem non existent. I try to smile it off, but part of my is still aching so bad that all I can do is cry. I know that the Lord takes care of his righteous and that something will happen for me that will be His will. The lesson that I may be learning here is to rely on the Lord. In my greatest time of fear of the unknown I just need to rely on the Lord and trust in Him. I love my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I have strong testimony of the Restored Gospel and of the redeeming power of Christ. I know that my Redeemer lives and I know that Heavenly Father has bigger plans for me. I know that the Lord blesses His faithful. I have amazing friends and an amazing family around me. Things could be worse. We are all healthy and that is a blessing. Its time for me to be all cried out and to move forward with determination and strength to get the job that Heavenly Father has in mind for me. .................