:(

Lately I have just felt sad. The sadness stems from being let go from my job of the last 10 years under dishonest and hurtful circumstances. I have so much anger still inside of me for how much I have been lied to and deceived. I wish I could just forget it all and move on from it, but I am stuck on being mad. I don't want to be mad anymore. I want to move forward. I want to work and contribute to my family. I feel so worthless to them now. I guess there are lessons for me to learn here from Heavenly Father. Perhaps I based too much of my value on the working woman that I was. Maybe Heavenly Father was protecting me from something bigger that I didn't see. Maybe I needed to learn patience and this is His way of teaching it to me. I feel that no matter what I do now, it is never enough. I can clean, do laundry, cook dinner, do dishes, but I still feel like I am such a let down. These are my own feelings, nothing that anyone is saying to me. My heart is just broken. Something so personal to me was taken away. My confidence has been shot and my self-esteem non existent. I try to smile it off, but part of my is still aching so bad that all I can do is cry. I know that the Lord takes care of his righteous and that something will happen for me that will be His will. The lesson that I may be learning here is to rely on the Lord. In my greatest time of fear of the unknown I just need to rely on the Lord and trust in Him. I love my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I have strong testimony of the Restored Gospel and of the redeeming power of Christ. I know that my Redeemer lives and I know that Heavenly Father has bigger plans for me. I know that the Lord blesses His faithful. I have amazing friends and an amazing family around me. Things could be worse. We are all healthy and that is a blessing. Its time for me to be all cried out and to move forward with determination and strength to get the job that Heavenly Father has in mind for me. .................

Nathan is One!

We can hardly believe our lil guy just turned one! He is such a happy guy. He loves to dance, loves playing catch with daddy, loves balls in general, pretty much eats everything and is a great toddler. Oh my.... he is not a baby anymore. We couldn't be happier with our little man!

Mourn with those that Mourn.....

So yesterday was one of those bittersweet days we all have at times. I received a text message from one of my best friends that her father passed away. I was so sad for her loss and was just flooded with emotions and memories of him. He was such a great guy and always made me laugh growing up. I also found out another one of my best friend's grandfather is very ill and probably not going to make it much longer. I cannot help but have a heavy heart for my dear friends at this tough time.

Yesterday my family also celebrated by dad's 57th birthday with a family dinner. I am grateful that I was able to celebrate that milestone with my dad and my family. It was great fun, but I couldn't help but continue to think of my friends and what they were going through. I couldn't help but mourn with my friend as she mourns for her father. As I was driving into work this AM, I was listening to Hillary Weeks (great LDS singer) and I looked to my right and saw the temple glowing on the foggy hill. I was instantly comforted by the Spirit. I know that my family can be together forever. I am comforted by the knowledge that Families ARE Forever and that no matter what, my Heavenly Father will always be there for me.

Now, neither of my friends share my religious views, but I want them to know that their loved ones are or will not be gone from them forever. There is great joy in knowing that we can see those we have lost again. We have a kind and loving Heavenly Father who comforts us and knows what we are going through. I have a great testimony that this life here on earth is just a blink in time as compared to the eternity we have to spend with those we love.

So, to my friends who are having a rough time...I love you! I will keep you all in my prayers.

I love my eternal family.

Families are Forever!

Today

I have chosen this day to start new, fresh, positive and happy.

Things have been going really well for me both personally and professionally. I have nothing to really complain about. I have two beautiful, healthy children, a hard working husband and the gospel. I sit here and I have a hand out from church sitting on my desk...it says "Stop It" as referenced from a talk by Pres. Utchdorf.

 

There is way too much of the above things in the world and in my life. I need to rid myself and my surroundings of all of it and just live for the happiness of living. Each day I tell myself that I will be the best ME that I can be, and each day I seem to get caught up in stupid things that hold me back from truly being happy. I am going to start living each day for just being happy about the blessings of that day. There is so much that I don't do each day that I need to be doing. I need to pray more, read more, be kinder, be more patient and just relax.

 

 

So today is the day that I smile, let the small things roll off my back and look forward to a bright and happy future ahead of me. Besides...how can I not be happy all the time? Just look at the love radiating from this picture! :)

 



Love this video!

Laughter is what makes every day better!

4 Years Old! 6 Months Old!

I can hardly believe that my first born just turned 4 years old this month. Lacey is so amazing. She loves:
books
preschool
friends
playing outside
board games
dancing
Just Dance
singing
getting herself ready each day
her brother
and so many other things!

 

Nathan is six months (in this picture...8 months now). He can sit up, eat solid foods, roll around the floor like crazy, babble, and loves drinking cold water from his cup. He is just the cutest little boy ever and he has the best personality. 

I love my babies!

Music to My Ears

Yesterday I had a doctor's appointment and I got to hear Baby #2's heartbeat! It was simply amazing to be able to experience the great miracle that it is and I am so thankful to my heavenly father for blessing us with another child. Heart was beating strong and baby is doing gymnastics in my belly right now. Motherhood is such a wonderful gift and I love being a mom. My two little ones are amazing!

Golden Gate Beauty

So this weekend one of the groomsmen (Tanner) from our wedding was in town with his awesome wife (Megan) and we spent a little time with them over the weekend. We took them to the Golden Gate Bridge and it was so pretty there! I enjoyed looking out and seeing the bridge at sunset and the ocean behind it. Lacey loved the little beach at Crissy Field and loved chasing Tanner on the sand. Looking at this picture, I am so happy to be Lacey's mommy! She is such an awesome and fun kid and Adam and I have a lot of fun just watching her love life. I realized that I need to blog more and share more of my life with my friends, especially with baby #2 on the way. Well enjoy the picture!

Here is a picture of Lacey from Fan Fest last month. She is so cute! My little giraffe!

Submitting to the Will of the Lord

So today started off good enough. The alarm went off and I snoozed it for 20 minutes. I have a good car ride into work with no traffic and no crazy drivers. I got to work, still happy. Then I turned on my computer only to find that an absolute meanie of a client sent my assistant an email that totally bashed me. It said that I don't do my job and that I don't care about his case. I wrote a response to him, but then decided to not send it..it was not very nice anyhow. That got the ball rolling for a grumpy mood. Then I get told that I did something wrong on a file by my boss. In actuality, I did not. He told me to do it and so I did. Just set me off. I had to snap the rubber band around my wrist and remain calm. Then the day got better. I had a nice lunch upstairs in the staff kitchen with my cool co-worker Anabel and then came downstairs. Once I got downstairs, I had a message from an insurance adjuster which was not something I wanted to hear. He made an offer on a case and retracted it because he made an error in what his supervisors allowed him to offer....It got heated. I left work feeling upset and angry, but then I turned on some Glee music and I felt better. I picked up Lacey from my Grandparent's house and her smile made my day. She ran to me and hugged me so tight. I love her. We enjoyed a nice walk around the park and then played in the park...Anyhow...I know the Lord does not want me to be angry or upset, so I decided not to be. Work needs to stay at work!

In reading today, I read Mosiah 24. It talks about how Amulon persecutes Alma and his people and teaches false doctrine among the Lamanites. What I learned most, is that even though Alma and his people faced tough burdens and were persecuted, they never lost Hope in their God. They stayed true to the commandments and never let their faith in the Lord falter. The Lord told them that because they cried out to him in their hearts he would lighten their burdens and free them from bondage and He did. If we all just submit to the will of the Lord and do as He directs and commands, he will make our burdens lighter and bless us. We can live better lives at the will of the Lord.

Until next time,

S

Change

Sometimes change can be a scary thing. We get so used to the routine that we have or the person that we have become and we can lose sight of who we should be and what we should be doing. I have lost sight. I spend so much time doing things, while not bad, could be replaced by something better. I have become a person that I am not necessarily proud of, but not ashamed of either. There is always room for improvement and change. When I went to Time Out for Women earlier this year, the theme was, "Become". I chose that day that I would become happier. I guess I have not made to many strides towards my goal, but time of the essence. I have made a goal to be a happier person. This will mean that I need to rid my life of negativity and just live for the moment, think before I act and remain calm, no matter the situation. I have everything to be happy about. I have a great house, a beautiful and healthy daughter, a wonderful job, an awesome husband and the Gospel of Jesus Christ at my fingertips. Today as I was reading in Mosiah chapters 19 and 20, I really thought about change. The Nephite people were living under King Noah, who was a bad man. He did not lead his people in righteousness, nor did he care for them. Once the Lamanites came upon them, he asked his people to flee to the wilderness and leave behind their wives and children to the slaughter. Luckily the people were preserved by the Lamanites and able to establish peace among the Lamanites with Limhi as their leader. Now, they had to live in bondage and give 1/2 of all the possessed to the Lamanites, but that was far better than war. They had to change their lives and despite being in bondage, they were a happy and peaceful people. Heavenly Father loved Limhi and his people, just as he loves us. If we are willing to be as they were and stick to the commandments of God and live righteously, he will bless us. Even if he allows others to use their agency to make our lives harder, he will continue to bless those who faithfully follow him. Limhi and his people did as the Lamanites said, but they also kept the commandments of God and were spared. Peace was brought back to the land. I know that if I but keep the commandments and live the life that Heavenly Father wants for me, I can too find peace in all aspects of my life.

I know that there is always room to grow and learn from life's experiences. I also know that Heavenly Father puts obstacles in our way so that we can grow and learn. I am starting today to soak up good vibes, positive thinking and happiness, so that I can radiate those same things to those around me. I just have to think that when a Caterpillar undergoes change, he comes out more beautiful than he went in...and so will I.

It has almost been a year, but I am back!

So life is wonderful. I am happy. My daughter is happy. My husband is happy. My house is clean.

We are so blessed for everything that we have been given in this life. I am so content in life right now. These last few weeks have been especially wonderful for me. I have grown so much closer to my Heavenly Father and felt His love and Spirit so much.

On March 11, I had the opportunity to hear Sister Elaine Dalton speak and she was truly inspirational. The Young Women of the church are so lucky to have her. Her spirit was radiating and her message was touching. The next day I heard Troy Dunn (The Locator) speak at youth conference. His message was so great. He said that in order to know what we want in life, we have to know what we DON'T want. So true. I know that I don't want unhappiness, drama or to not have the Spirit with me, so I will live my life to make sure I am happy, drama free and full of the Spirit.

On March 13 I went to a fireside with Elder and Sister Groberg and since "The Other Side of Heaven" is one of my favorite movies I felt so blessed to be in their midst. Their messages made me feel so special as a woman in this church. Elder Groberg said that as women we underestimate how important we are in the lives of Priesthood holders. He is a living example that the love of a good woman can save a life. I was touched to hear them speak. It was so cool. I felt that I was amongst two of the greatest of Heavenly Father's children.

So, Lacey will be two in just 4 weeks. Time sure does fly. She is very smart and says nearly every word that she hears. She expresses herself like she is 5 years old. She loves to wear tutus and she thinks that she is a princess. Although Belle is my favorite princess, Tiana has won Lacey's heart. She loves Prince Naveen. She says her Uncle J even looks like him.

Here are some new pictures from the last few weeks. Hope you enjoy.

XOXO,


Shawna

Giant's Game and Lacey's B-Day

Giants Game April 23, 2010

Love my Elmo!

PresentsYummy Cake

Daniela and Amaya

Lacey and Kaylana

Lacey and Andrew